So I skipped blogging yesterday, just to find a comment by a young woman like myself who tells a story which sounds all too familiar. First of all, thank you for sharing Simplyme, I truly believe.. talking about it helps!

In this entry I want to mention all the physical abuse I’ve experienced with him. Compared to others, my incidents might not sound so bad, but NONE of it should ever happen. The first time I felt scared by him was: He was in the bedroom, I went to the bathroom. Apparently, he still wanted me in bed. And so, when he asked what I was doing and I said I was brushing, he told me to go back to bed. I ignored him, so he came after me. In the bathroom he started yelling that why did I ignore him? I just kept brushing my teeth. The next thing I know, he lifts me up and is attempting to carry me to the bedroom. I started kicking until he returned me to the ground. Now it might seem like an overreaction on my part, maybe he was just being romantic carrying me to the room? No! If he had been carrying me without having yelled, maybe. But the look on his face, and the sound of his voice.. It was all saying ‘how dare you leave the bedroom when I haven’t allowed it yet!’ Nobody should live a life dictated by someone else. If you love someone, you can do so many things that maybe don’t please you but you do them out of love. But this should be your choice, not someone imposing on you!

The next time, a similar incident happened. I was in the kitchen and he was in the bedroom. Again, he ordered me to stop what I’m doing and go to the room. Its always the way he talks to me that bothers me and I decide not to listen. As his wife, I deserve some respect and love. If he wants me in the bedroom, he can ask me nicely and I would be more than happy to go. But to be ordered like a slave to stop everything and go to bed with him is just unacceptable to me. So I didn’t go and I told him he can join me in the kitchen if he wants to talk. He came and started to throw everything, the meat, potatoes… Then he was yelling that I never listen. Is cooking more important to me than pleasing my husband? I asked him to stop yelling. He said I brought it unto myself. If I’d listened none of it would happen.

I mentioned before that my ex and I used to live in different cities. Even after marriage, we lived apart for 4 months. I moved to his city December last year, and this is when things started getting ugly. He called me all these names, and insulted me and my family. He told me I was just a piece of shit, I was garbage and spat on me! I found out later when I went for counselling, that spitting is typical behavior of an abuser. In fact, I hadn’t even told the counselor, SHE asked ME: Did he ever spit on you? I was almost shocked that she’d know this. But I guess its common.

When he starts yelling, he comes right to my face. If I push him away, it becomes his opportunity to get physical with me. He pushed me many times throughout my pregnancy, pinned me down, strangled my face, twisted my arms…. And whenever I cried, he told me he was only holding ME back from hurting him. He always mocks me when I cry, he says “Oh, so you have a heart too?? You get hurt by what I say to you??”. My abuser has bruised my hands many times. He has slapped me twice and I got bruised on my face.

The last incident that really drove me to the edge was just a few days before I left him. He wanted me to go to bed with him at 10am. He’d worked a night shift,so when he came home in the morning he wanted me to go sleep with him. I had done this for the last 2 days, but when I get up later I have to cook and take care of the baby. So the house hadn’t been cleaned for 2 days. I told him I had to clean the house. He was off that day anyway, we could have slept later or at night. But he went to sleep mad at me. When he got up at 2pm, I was with the baby in the living room. He came and started yelling at me and cussing me out. He told me I’m a bitch, whom do I sleep with that I’m satisfied and I wont sleep with him?? I just kept quiet. He came and started kicking me. I asked him to stop but he got down and shoved me with both hands. This hurt me more emotionally than physically. That he would treat me like an object. Am I only good for sleeping with? Cant I clean when I want to clean and sleep when I want to sleep? Is it reason enough to kick and push your wife just because she didn’t come to bed when YOU ordered it?

Anyways, this is just some of the things I’ve been through with him. I know I deserve better. I deserve some love and respect. I have a lot to offer, and God will give me a better man. If he doesn’t, I will just raise  my daughter and protect her from growing up in an abusive environment. Lest she thinks this is acceptable and the trend continues.