Last night I didn’t sleep at all.. I went to bed in the morning at 7am, coz I was online reading all these blogs about abuse. I searched how to get readers on my blog and it says ‘to comment on others’ blogs and leave my link. So thats what I did. This is the comment I left on someone’s blog… Well, its more than a comment. Its a short version of my story…

 

I met my partner almost 2 years ago. We lived in different cities and dated for 7 months before marrying. I saw all the bad signs (that he would be controlling and very possibly abusive) and tried to push him away but he was so persistent. I have a friend who is in an abusive marriage and she warned me not to marry him, but like many women, I thought if I show him enough love he will become the ideal husband.

My abuser is also a drug abuser, but he pretended that he’d quit everything when he met me. I know now that he hasn’t. Pre-marriage he only called me a bitch once, and he was drunk. At first I told him thats it, its over, but then he apologized so much I forgave him. Big mistake! I should NEVER have taken him back! Not after he called me a bitch. Regardless whether he was drunk or not. Its NOT acceptable to curse your ‘girlfriend’ or whatever I was to him at that time. He never insulted me again until after marriage. Just a month after marriage, he started verbal abuse. He cursed at me, my parents, my whole family.

My abuser isolated me from friends and even relatives, female relatives!! I wasn’t allowed to mingle with my relative who was separated from her husband because single ladies would influence me badly. I agreed with everything he asked thinking that we’d reach a point where he’ll be satisfied and we’ll get along. But things only got worse.

After isolation, he started controlling what I wear. He fought with me about perfume, make up, and finally I stopped wearing these at work. Still it wasn’t enough he wanted to control my finances. I couldn’t allow this. I got pregnant and he never felt any compassion for me. He said I was using my pregnancy, that my hormones were making me irrational. I was almost 8 months pregnant when I left him the first time.

I had to live in a shelter for about 2 weeks and then I went to stay at my brothers house (in another city) and started mat leave. At first when I left, he promised me to do everything right so I would return. But my family advised me not to return. So I stayed at my brother’s and called him the day I went into labor. Instead of putting our differences aside and coming to be supportive, he started abusing me when I was on the phone with him. I think this was among the most hurtful moments of my life.

Anyway he came to see the baby and wouldn’t stop crying. I went back to him when our daughter was 2 months old. It all started again. It got even worse coz this time he didn’t hide that he was smoking pot. He just kept calling me names, pushing me here and there, throwing things around, and coming home high as a kite.

I left him 3 weeks ago but not intending to leave for good. I just came to my home city to relax for 2 weeks but the mental relief I experienced being away from him just made me decide to end it. Yesterday I went to take all my things from his house, I left his key and here I am. I’m going to start afresh. I only pray to God to give me the strength to raise my child. I pray that I give her so much love, she doesn’t even feel a void if her dad isn’t in her life.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know I have done the right thing. I know I’m strong. I will work hard and provide a comfortable happy life for my daughter. I have a loving and caring family who also support me. So I’ll be fine, God willing!

 

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